Top 11 – Unseen prequels


#11. – From Dawn till Dusk

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Despite there already being a prequel to the 1996 hit From Dusk till Dawn, this will be the prequel to the prequel. With 99.9% of the film taking place in between dawn and dusk, clearly there will be little vampire screen time in this one. Unless, Hollywood decided to go with the current and ultimately retarded “sparkling” vampires from Twilight. Fugitive bank robbers and brothers Seth (George Clooney) and Richie Gecko (Quentin Tarantino) reunite to bring this prequel to life. It follows them as they commit rape, murder, steal, and cause all out chaos that leads to them fleeing the F.B.I. and Texas police which is where the original starts. Celebrity cameos include Penelope Cruz, Matt Damon, and Woody Harrleson.

#10. – Inopportune number Snix

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#9. – Apocalypse soon.

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Not now….but soon. Trust me. Colonel Kurtz is crazy as bat-shit and is bound to lose it.

#8. – Smoldering bare backs

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The edgy and twice as racist prequel to the hit comedy legend Blazing Saddles. Mel Brooks returns to write a modern take on the wild wild west. One part Blazing Saddles, one part Brokeback Mountain, it tells the tale of two Sheriffs – one black and one white, who fall in love while chasing a band of renegades across the plains. Hilariousness ensues.

#7. – Completely normal activity

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The prequel to the 2009 surprise blockbuster Paranormal Activity, this groundbreaking film – shot entirely on 8mm film, follows the everyday life of Polish immigrants Minerva and Alfons Kowalski. The film takes place in their 1 bedroom basement apartment in New York during the 1940’s and captures edge of your seat suspense moments like Minerva making her ubiquitous lard-based spread known throughout the neighborhood as smalec. Alfons napping, Minerva knitting and the occasional domestic, the suspense just never ends.


#6. – The Undergraduate

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Before Benjamin Braddock was seduced by Mrs. Robinson he was a freshman on campus who by some unforeseen error in student housing’s files is forced to live in an all girls dorm. Communal showers, bathrooms, and living quarters, poor Benjamin must endure long days in class and even longer nights partaking in underwear only pillow fights and extra curricular activities in the sheets with his female roommates. How will he ever make it to graduation day?

#5. – Miss Incompatibility

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Prequel to the smash hit Miss Congeniality, what happens when you take a recently divorced, rejected by society for her homely looking butter-face, down on her luck,  single mother and put her in the country’s top beauty pageant? She kills herself. Seriously. Not to ruin the ending for you but she just can’t handle being surrounded by all the fake smiles, spray on tan, waxing, plucking, pressure to look good all the time, dieting and general lack of any intelligence or coherent thought from her fellow pageant girls.

#4. – Brunch at Macey’s

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You’ll love this prequel to Breakfast at Tiffany’s. It’s not quite breakfast, it’s not quite lunch, but it comes with 20-50% off all women’s jeans, tops and dresses at the end. You don’t get completely what you would at Tiffany’s, but you get a good deal!

#3. – Some like it lukewarm

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Two penurious musicians, Jeff and Johnny (Efron and Lambert), witness bullies in their high school beating up a younger student. When the bullies see them, the duo flee for their lives. They escape and decide to transfer to another school, only to find the bullies follow them. The two disguise themselves as women, calling themselves Josephine and Geraldine, join the glee club and both become enamored of “Cokie Kane” (Lohan), the band’s vocalist and school whore, and struggle for to determine which and how many STD’s she has while maintaining their disguises.

#2. – Engagement crashers

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Before you get to the Superbowl you have to make it through the playoffs. No seriously, that’s how it works, I checked it out, it’s a true story. I thought teams got there by having arm wrestling competitions, proving who had more chest hair or whose franchise could afford the best wizard. I was way off.

#1. – Two Days Before the Day After Tomorrow

Turning the popular South Park adaptation into a feature film, Two Days Before the Day After Tomorrow will will take global warming to a whole new level. Coming this winter, a sweater won’t do.

Other notable unseen prequels:

To slightly wound an albatross

The mild concern of the Christ

1965 A Space Walk

The first house on the right

Dude, let’s park here.

The Vines of Irritability

There may be blood.


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