Top eleven – classic bar/club songs

11. Ilo – Rapture

Taking it back to 2001 this was a pretty big club tune. Not really herd that much anymore and there are a slue of others like it: DJ Sammy, Tiesto, etc, but I don’t know too many people who didn’t love this tune when it broke out

10. Marvin Gaye feat. Shaggy – Sexual healing

This song is a classic, originally created by great Marvin Gaye. It has been covered by more bands than a groupie whore. But the version most often played in bars and clubs is the remix featuring Shaggy.

9. The Sugar Hill Gang – Apache (Jump on it)

This is that song that all the hot chicks with smoking bodies, and incredible asses that will never sleep with me and always laugh at me when I approach them, love to dance to. Also done famously by Will and Carlton in the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Remember that show? Yeah, yeah, we know the opening lyrics too.

8. Tanto Metro and Devonte – Everyone falls in love

Remember in Gr. 9 when they would have dances and you would grab some gutter pig and dance with her;  while your 60 year old Math teacher with the nose hair and the juice-pig Gym teacher who was secretly sleeping with the Captain of the Cheerleading squad acted as chaperones, and as you and that swamp donkey two stepped it around the gym trying to hide the fact that she was giving you a hand job? Well this is the song that was probably playing while that happened. Except now it’s bars instead of the gym, and finger banging instead of HJ’s. Yeah that sounds about right.

7. Bob Sinclair – Love Generation

This is a great tune when your at the bar and 8 shots of JD deep. Then everything is great and you love Bob Sinclair. It’s the next day when your hung over as shit, smell like a homeless drug addict and have spent a good portion of the night praying to the Gods of porcelain (That means throwing up. Toilets=made from porcelain. I know. I’m witty) that you can’t get that fucking annoying whistling chorus out of your head.

6. Petey Pablo – Raise Up

I remember when this song came out, I didn’t have a clue who Petey Pablo was? All I knew was that when this song came on, sluts would take their shirts off, twist it around their heads, and spin it like a helicopter. And something in every guys pants would indeed “raise up”. Then I would have to run onto the d-floor and tell my mom to get her fucking drunk ass off the speaker, put her clothes back on and stop embarrassing me.

5. Beanie Man – King of the Dance Hall

I’m torn about this song. One the one hand every time it comes on, every girl in the bar runs to the dance floor, grabs the closest guy and grinds the shit out of him. They also do that little ass shake thing; which, I know,  just screams, “this is the kinds of girl I could take home to meet the rents”, but on the other hand I can’t be buying new pairs of jeans every week due to intense vaginal friction on my leg from some swamp donkey grinding me like I’m a pussy polishing device.

4. Benny Benassi – I love my sex

Whether or not your an extacy popping rave maniac or not, you can’t deny the amount of hot ass that gets on a dance floor when this provocative bass blast comes over the speakers. I have found that when this song is on, it drastically increases the odds of me bringing home some random sloot for a little O.N.S. I can go from “get the fuck away from me you hunchback freak”, to “1 in a 1,000,000 buddy” just with the click of the play button.

3. Sean Paul – Get busy (remix feat. Fatman Scoop)

This is one of those rare songs that whenever you hear it it always brings you right back to a certain time and place. Some people hear this and remember their summer vacation to Cancun where they got so drunk, got in a wet t-shirt contest and blew the DJ at Senor Frogs while this song was on. For others it might be that night you got plastered and you and your roomate made out with those twins in the bathroom of the club. For me, it brings me back to the summer of 2003 when I was crowned Dungeon Master at Dungeons and Dragons camp. Yeah, so I was 21 and at camp. Big deal.

2. Run DMC VS. Jason Nevins – It’s Like That

When I hear this song come on in a bar, for a brief second I get totally jacked and excited. Then I remember that I’m white, from a farm town, and can dance at best, like a mentally challenged autistic person. The video for this song is probably one of the best dance battle videos I’ve ever seen.

1. Neil Diamond – Sweet Caroline

Probably the most used, go-to song for last calls or last song of the night in bars across the country. This classic brings together every drunk in the bar as though they have been friends since kindergarden, to unite with arms around one another, glasses raised, terribly slurred karaoka performances, and to perform Bon Jovi-like leg kicks during the “ba ba ba” part of the chorus. A staple at bars and a perfect way to end a drunked bender of a Saturday night.


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