11. The “blast from the past” friend request
There is nothing more annoying than people you went to oh, I don’t know, kindergarden with, requesting to be added and then expecting you to catch them up on how the last 15 years of your life have been. There are only two instances in which I find this remotely amusing and will accept.
1) If the person was an ugly duckling and miraculously transformed into a perfect ten model, in which case, yes I will accept you and yes I will creep your photo album so I can masterbate to the pics of you in the wet t-shirt contest down in Cancun.
2) I can’t remember what 2 was, after wet t-shirt contest I’m pretty much gone.
It’s nice to be able to see updates or statuses of what someone is doing or where they went. But I don’t need to know that my uncles dog has a tape worm and he had to pull it out of the dogs ass with a pair of tweezer. That shit is not cool.
9. We get it. You’re very very popular.
God this one annoys me. No one has 500+ friends. I’m the most likable person ever, I mean ever and I only have one friend. And she is made of plastic, wears a nurses uniform and her mouth is always open. Is it necessary that you accept everyone who asks? The worst are dumb, hot, naive college girls who accept everyone because deep down they have low self-esteem and get some form of gratification and ego boost by haveing 300 guy friends on their FB list – who only want her as a friend so they can creep her pics in the hopes that there might be a niple slit or slutty dress photo in an album.
8. F*&^ing items!
Jesus H Christ on a popcicle stick! What kind of a f*cktard pays money – REAL MONEY, to buy a damn icon and put it on someones wall. Some little kid in Africa is dying of malnutrition, has crap-eating flies around his face 24/7 and won’t be left alone by dumb ass celebrities doing “I care missions” and people here are spending money on one time icons of teddy bears and flowers.
7. The “About me” and other profile lies.
People try way to hard and put way to much energy into creating the perfect profile that accurately portrays how awesome they are. You play acoustic guitar and love Dave Matthews? No way! Your so not like every other college guy trying to seem sweet and sensitive to pick up chicks. Your favorite book is “He’s just not that into you”? Wow that’s so original and I’m sure has in no way anything to do with Oprah saying it was good?
6. “It’s complicated”
How complicated can someones relatioship status be? You got drunk, banged her sister with all your friends hiding in the closet watching, and when she found out she decided to blow the entire varsity hockey team. That’s not complicated, that sounds like a solid May 24 weekend at Grand Bend. If your relationship really is “that complicated”, get the hell of face book and go fix it.
5. The whole Scrabulous debacle….(debacle – 8 point word score. YES!)
Imagine a game that has been for the most part forgotten and only played by the elderly on Saturday nights while they sit around and try not to crap their pants and forget where they are. Yet, this game makes a miraculous comeback with the youth of today and becomes popular again – a cult phenom with millions of players wasting time and actually using their braincells. Then the creators (Mattel) went and got their Barbie-sized panties in a bunch and sued the developers for copyright violation. “What? Millions of people are actually interested in our product again and playing it on a constant basis? Well that just won’t stand! GET THE LAWYERS!”
4. A cyber version of The Hotel California
You can check out any time you like but you can never leave. Numerous articles have been writen on this topic and The New York Times even explored how difficult it is to get off this site. Forget those ass clowns who just keep their browser open all day long and just continually refresh to check for new messages, once you have deleted your account all that information is still property of Facebook and can be stored and use at any time. The Sigma Alpha Chi “Long Lashes and Porno Staches” party of 08′ lives on forever boys! WHOOO
3. Girls and their redundant loser photo albums.
Ladies, we get it. Your a party animal. You love to drink. You love to drink with the girls. You love to drink with the girls at all the bars. I don’t need 27 photo albums consisting of every night you go out with the girls and pictures of all your crazy dance moves your did on the D-floor. Drunken summer nights#4, Weekend with the ladies Vol. 2, Who let the ho’s out#3, Me and the girls drinking at some club album 6, Good times down town #13. Jab my fricken eyeballs out, get a life and go somewhere other than a bar.
2. Old people.
Remember when facebook was used by only University and College students. It was a great way to find out who the fresh meat was on campus and who the easy girls were that liked to party. Now, I have people my parents age asking me to add them. That’s just not cool.
1. NEW FACEBOOK
I can’t find the words to describe the deep utter loathing I have for this new design. Whoever was in charge of this or came up with the idea of taking away all my easily accessible options, applications, pictures and what nots, should be hung by their testicals or slammed in the uterus with a wrecking ball.