Monthly Archives: October 2008

Top eleven – classic bar/club songs

11. Ilo – Rapture

Taking it back to 2001 this was a pretty big club tune. Not really herd that much anymore and there are a slue of others like it: DJ Sammy, Tiesto, etc, but I don’t know too many people who didn’t love this tune when it broke out

10. Marvin Gaye feat. Shaggy – Sexual healing

This song is a classic, originally created by great Marvin Gaye. It has been covered by more bands than a groupie whore. But the version most often played in bars and clubs is the remix featuring Shaggy.

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Top eleven – female celebs I wish would walk into oncoming traffic

11. Dina and Alley Lohan

Like a dirty cling-on stuck to my ass after a taco bell bowl-blaster, these two turds refuse to let go and be flushed away with the rest of the untalented annoying shit in Hollywood. A mother clinging to her youth by vicariously living through her two daughters and a useless little girl who aspires to be like her older, rehab attending, crab infested whore of a sister.

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Top eleven…. screw the list. Look at these.

I don’t have a top eleven list for this one, I just believe that every man and lesbian – or girl who’s on the fence and needs a reason to become a lesbian should look at these.

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Top eleven – Shows you’re not watching, but should.

11. Scrubs

Alright. When this show came out I thought it was some ER, Grey’s Anatomy, serious Hospital drama knock- off. Summa-ma-bitch! was I ever wrong. Scrubs is possibly one of the funniest shows I’ve ever seen. I know what your thinking, your a guy, you have big manly balls, how could you ever watch something with Zach Braff? His mooshy sub-par silver screen flops aside, the dude is brilliant on this show. As are all the characters and writing. Even if you don’t like him, Dr. Percival “Perry” Cox (John C. McGinley) and Ken Jenkins who plays Dr. Bob Kelso Chief of Medicine , have some of the funniest and witty back and forth dialog on televison. In addition, as is with anything involving Zach Braff, the music and soundtracks are always stellar and include up and coming, unknown indie bands.

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Top eleven – People you’ll meet at the Gym

11. The Socialite

These are the people who go to the gym to work their mouth more than their body. They buy the latest and greatest in spandex, middrift baring, under armor and Lululemon outfits that are sure to never see a drop of sweat. The girls who fall under this category are the same girls who in high school and college used to get dressed to the 9’s for an 8 a.m. class, while the rest of the blood-shot eyed, hung over students attended in either pajamas, comfy clothes or the same cigarette smoke, vomit soiled clothes they were wearing from the previous nights shit-show. Now graduated from school and having nowhere for people to observe them on a daily basis, these socialites have simply substituted the cafeteria for the gym.

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Top eleven – Signs you might be a douche bag?

Some say douche bags are born.
Others believe you become a douche bag over a period of time (involving many applications of fake tan and hair gel.)
And yet some have douch-baggery thrust upon them.

Here are some warning signs you might want to keep an eye out, less you should fall under this malicious category.

Douche bag or Genus Von Douch bagus can best be defined as:

Someone who has surpassed the levels of jerk and asshole, however not yet reached fucker or motherfucker. Not to be confuzed with douche.

11. Axe body sprays

This product is a clear sign of a d-bag. A disgusting scent that can alert the senses from miles away that there is definately a douche bag in, up, or around your current location. Similar to the Italian shower (spraying yourself uncontrolably in an attempt to hide your grose ass musk) douche bags will spritz themselves vigorously in the belief that women will be unable to resist their douchey mochizmo. Contrary to popular marketing, this product does not attract women. In fact it reppels them like the stinnky kid who smelled like piss in your kindergarden class.

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Top eleven – Most unsportsman-like plays

11. Rodman kicks a photographer

10. Redskin causes Blue Balls

9. That trailer trash girl who hit that other pretty girl, and then yadda yadda someone cried a lot

8. What did the Five Fingers say to your neck? B-I-T-C-H  S-L-A-P


6. Bet those helmets with tinted visors don’t look so gay now, huh?

5. White men can’t jump. Or run into a fight

4. Dale Hunter, doing one of the many dumb Dale Hunter things in his career

3. No worries, I didn’t want to walk or move my limbs again anyways. Your good 🙂

2. Enter the Dragon was probably not a good call for movies to be played before the game

1. Don’t MOVE! I swear there was a fly on your helmet.

Bonus: Cocains a hell of a drug!