#11. Pokerface

After giving up my last year in University to the Facebook app My Heroes Ability and the early 2000’s Poker craze (I literally did nothing but play that game for a year straight) told myself I would get away from the whole Facebook app addiction. Unfortunately a friend of mine won an Xbox-360 playing this app and, well, my greed for free swag is all it took for me to be hooked.

PokerFace is the only Facebook poker application that randomly – and frequently, – awards prizes to its players. You don’t have to be a cutthroat player with the highest chip count. It’s all about the poker experience from beginning to end. Essentially the more time you are online and at the tables the better your odds are of winning the prizes they give out. Monthly prizes include gaming systems, entertainment units, iPods, Zunes, and other smaller prizes.

App pare here

#10. Pet Society

I have no idea how this app is ranked so high on active accounts and MUA’s (monthly active users)? Apparently there are far too many lonely women and 8 year olds on facebook. Just read the “about” from the app’s main page below:

In the world of Pet Society you and your pet can have a great time! You can play games, decorate your house and even bring gifts for your friends when you visit them. You can enjoy many different games and activities in Pet Society, playing ball, jumping with your skipping rope or going on treasure hunts for coins in the city. For those who like to compete you can take part in contests against other pets at the Pet Stadium!

Vomit. App page here

#9. Cause

How do you make a difference in the world without getting off your ass and actually doing something. You make a difference on Facebook. If you are an individual activist, nonprofit, foundation, company, or anyone else wanting to learn more about how to utilize Causes please visit Causes Exchange.
Causes empowers anyone with a good idea or passion for change to impact the world. Using our platform, individuals mobilize their network of friends to grow lasting social and political movements.

App page here

#8. Flixster

Rate movies and share what you saw or want to see with friends. Compare your movie taste. Take over 100,000 movie trivia quizzes. Join over 40 Million people using Flixster on Facebook. Flixster is one of the largest movie communities on the web. Also available on MySpace, Bebo, the iPhone and at Flixster.com.

App page here

#7. Mindjolt Games

Mindjold games allows you to play over 500 games as well as compete with your friends online. You can play any of the many Arcade, Puzzle, Strategy and Sports games they offer for free. Challenge your friends or play by yourself.
Either way, you’re sure to have hours of fun and get absolutely nothing done at work.

App page here

#6. Slots

You may have not played Slots on Facebook before but around 70,000 people have played and a whopping 52.02 percent of those users return every single day. There are two other games in the leaderboard which are part of this application’s “network”. You can play “Scratch and Win” (3rd most engaging application) and “Pull Tabs” (10th most engaging application), and use the tokens that you’ve won from those applications to bet on slots.

While it may not be the most popular application on Facebook, the developers behind this game are most definitely generating some decent cash flow through repeat users. Also, given that incentive based advertising is the most profitable thing on Facebook, owning a leading gambling application is not a bad position to be in.

App page here.

#5. iLike

iLike lets you add music, playlists, and videos to your profile, dedicate songs to your friends, and see who’s going to what concerts.

App page here

#4. SCRABBLE Beta

While the Agarwalla brothers still have the most engaging word game on Facebook, Electronic Arts has done a good job with their Hasbro licensed version of SCRABBLE. The application has almost 200,000 users returning to the application daily. It’s an impressive feat for any developer even if it’s one of the largest gaming companies in the world that developed it.

The application has been in “Beta” for months now so I’m not sure if the company ever plans on changing that. Scrabble is clearly a popular game and Facebook has proved to be a great platform for creating turn-based games like Scrabble. If “Wordscraper” wasn’t good enough for you, you can check out Scrabble Beta if you are in the U.S. or Canada.

#3.  Mafia Wars

Mafia Wars is available on Facebook, Myspace, Tagged, and Yahoo. On April 8, 2009 Zynga released a version of the game as a free downloadable iPhone App. On Facebook alone, as of October 2009, Mafia Wars has more than 25.9 million monthly active accounts; many active clans run shell accounts for increased availability of the energy resource.

Mafia Wars is set in New York City and Little Italy, with the option for players to travel between New York and Cuba once they reach level 35 and Moscow once they reach level 70. The game revolves around doing jobs in order to earn cash, and eventually establishing and advancing one’s criminal empire. Players create mafias by recruiting players and using reward points to hire extra mafia members. Social networking sites such as Facebook, MySpace and Friendster allow players to recruit from within their friends network to build their mafia and fight against other players. Players can also improve their stats by visiting the Godfather or making a micropayment.

App page here

#2. Facebook for BlackBerry/iPhone/Smartphones

It’s not surprising to find a Facebook owned application in this leaderboard considering that 50 percent of active Facebook users return to the site daily. If you have a BlackBerry/iPhone, there’s a good chance that you’ve already installed this application. Out of the 3.5 million users that have installed the application, 1.7 million are using it daily.

#1. Farmville

With nearly 35 million monthly users, the game will soon surpass the 35,554,755 record achieved by the How Well Do You Know Me? application. It owes its popularity to a growing trend among urbanites to try their hand in the rural life by harvesting vegetables, milking cows, and shearing sheep. I know that sounds retarded and much like I pulled it out of my ass but clearly 35 million people can’t be argued with. Players spend an average of 20 minutes a day tending to their farms, with much of that time taken up with planting their fields, as well as plastering their friends walls with annoying and intrusive “Requests to Join” messages.

App page here

Slashdot It!

#11. – From Dawn till Dusk

Despite there already being a prequel to the 1996 hit From Dusk till Dawn, this will be the prequel to the prequel. With 99.9% of the film taking place in between dawn and dusk, clearly there will be little vampire screen time in this one. Unless, Hollywood decided to go with the current and ultimately retarded “sparkling” vampires from Twilight. Fugitive bank robbers and brothers Seth (George Clooney) and Richie Gecko (Quentin Tarantino) reunite to bring this prequel to life. It follows them as they commit rape, murder, steal, and cause all out chaos that leads to them fleeing the F.B.I. and Texas police which is where the original starts. Celebrity cameos include Penelope Cruz, Matt Damon, and Woody Harrleson.

#10. – Inopportune number Snix

#9. – Apocalypse soon.

Not now….but soon. Trust me. Colonel Kurtz is crazy as bat-shit and is bound to lose it.

#8. – Smoldering bare backs

The edgy and twice as racist prequel to the hit comedy legend Blazing Saddles. Mel Brooks returns to write a modern take on the wild wild west. One part Blazing Saddles, one part Brokeback Mountain, it tells the tale of two Sheriffs – one black and one white, who fall in love while chasing a band of renegades across the plains. Hilariousness ensues.

#7. – Completely normal activity

The prequel to the 2009 surprise blockbuster Paranormal Activity, this groundbreaking film – shot entirely on 8mm film, follows the everyday life of Polish immigrants Minerva and Alfons Kowalski. The film takes place in their 1 bedroom basement apartment in New York during the 1940’s and captures edge of your seat suspense moments like Minerva making her ubiquitous lard-based spread known throughout the neighborhood as smalec. Alfons napping, Minerva knitting and the occasional domestic, the suspense just never ends.

#6. – The Undergraduate

Before Benjamin Braddock was seduced by Mrs. Robinson he was a freshman on campus who by some unforeseen error in student housing’s files is forced to live in an all girls dorm. Communal showers, bathrooms, and living quarters, poor Benjamin must endure long days in class and even longer nights partaking in underwear only pillow fights and extra curricular activities in the sheets with his female roommates. How will he ever make it to graduation day?

#5. – Miss Incompatibility

Prequel to the smash hit Miss Congeniality, what happens when you take a recently divorced, rejected by society for her homely looking butter-face, down on her luck,  single mother and put her in the country’s top beauty pageant? She kills herself. Seriously. Not to ruin the ending for you but she just can’t handle being surrounded by all the fake smiles, spray on tan, waxing, plucking, pressure to look good all the time, dieting and general lack of any intelligence or coherent thought from her fellow pageant girls.

#4. – Brunch at Macey’s

You’ll love this prequel to Breakfast at Tiffany’s. It’s not quite breakfast, it’s not quite lunch, but it comes with 20-50% off all women’s jeans, tops and dresses at the end. You don’t get completely what you would at Tiffany’s, but you get a good deal!

#3. – Some like it lukewarm

Two penurious musicians, Jeff and Johnny (Efron and Lambert), witness bullies in their high school beating up a younger student. When the bullies see them, the duo flee for their lives. They escape and decide to transfer to another school, only to find the bullies follow them. The two disguise themselves as women, calling themselves Josephine and Geraldine, join the glee club and both become enamored of “Cokie Kane” (Lohan), the band’s vocalist and school whore, and struggle for to determine which and how many STD’s she has while maintaining their disguises.

#2. – Engagement crashers

Before you get to the Superbowl you have to make it through the playoffs. No seriously, that’s how it works, I checked it out, it’s a true story. I thought teams got there by having arm wrestling competitions, proving who had more chest hair or whose franchise could afford the best wizard. I was way off.

#1. – Two Days Before the Day After Tomorrow

Turning the popular South Park adaptation into a feature film, Two Days Before the Day After Tomorrow will will take global warming to a whole new level. Coming this winter, a sweater won’t do.

Other notable unseen prequels:

To slightly wound an albatross

The mild concern of the Christ

1965 A Space Walk

The first house on the right

Dude, let’s park here.

The Vines of Irritability

There may be blood.

Slashdot It!

Everyone has their own personal quirks and freaky fetishes when it comes to getting down and dirty in the sac. Rim jobs, scratching, cupping the balls etc. But there are somethings that just have no business being done in the boudoir. Here are 11 common characteristics of bedfellows that repel an orgasm like oil to water.

11. The not without my cell phone girl

If you’ve ever tried jerking off the the Paris Hilton’s sex tape then you know what I’m talking about. What kind of twat stops having sex to answer a phone? There’s only one excuse for having a cell phone in the bedroom and that is if you want to Mcgiver that bad boy into a makeshift vibrator. Nothing sinks an erect penis faster than hearing Barbi Girl by Aqua as some girls ringtone while your on top pumping away totally unaware of her boredom.

10. Miss Au Naturel

It could be just me but I find it astounding that in this day and age every women doesn’t get electrolysis on everything below the nose, or at the very least wax. Body hair is like wearing a coat made from baby seals: Yeah it’ll probably keep parts of you warm and hidden but it looks disgusting and will piss off a lot of people. Get your shit in order girls this ain’t 1960. You could be drop dead gorgeous and if a guy is slowly going down your body, kissing and caressing his way to the most holy of holies, and he reaches your belly button only to be greeted by a stubley undergrowth treasure trail, you might as well kick him in the sack cuz that boner is gone. If there is a hair situation above the belt then God only knows what kind of wilderness he’ll have to adventure his soldier through to reach those mystical meat curtains.

9. The fainting goat

If you’ve ever slept with someone who just laid there and did nothing, said nothing and looked like a deer caught in headlights through the entire act of sex, then you’ve slept with a fainting goat. These type’s are named after a domestic breed of goat whose muscles freeze and tense up for extended periods of time when they’re startled. With the exception of necrophiliacs, a fainting goat is a lot like a dead corpse  and always kills the mood.

8. I can haz some privacy please?

Cat’s are selfish, arrogant, annoying little creatures. So naturally if your in bed laying pipe to their master they will do everything in their power to try and fuck with your head and get her attention away from you. And while girls may not find any problem with little Tigger or Snickers or whatever the hell girls name their fur balls these days, crawling up onto the bed while your having sex…the guy who’s on top of you probably does. Any guy who allows an animal to be anywhere near the bed while having sex, girls you should just automatically assume he has some kind of three-way beastiality notion going on and get the fuck out of there ASAP.

7. The Two-pump-chump

Nothing ruins the mood like having a guy bust a nut before you’ve barely gotten into the mood. With the exception of  being a virgin, there’s just no excuse for poor form. Every guy should know all the ways to extend premature ejaculation. Didn’t you watch Doc. Sue Johannson growing up? Flog the dolphin, choke the chicken or beat your dick like it owes you money before heading on a date or into the sac. There are pills, drugs, alcohol (whiskey dick is always good for numbing your sensitive member) Pump your breaks if you feel close, use a dome, or get on the bottom.

6. Miss four hour foreplay

This is the type of girl who insists on extending foreplay well beyond the 5 min any man should spend doing it. By the time this girl is actually ready for sex, your tongue feels like it’s been shot with novacaine, your erection has long since receded and you wish you would have just stayed home and masturbated.

5. DJ Slow Jams

I’m all for setting the mood, couple candles, pictures of myself flexing all over the bedroom, you know shit like that. But guys who spend time creating romantic playlists filled with sappy cockrock and emo bands are total mood killers. Every one of my friends who are girls have told me they’ve at one point or another had sex with some asshole who’s reached for the Dave Matthews playlist while they were in bed. Nothing makes a girl nostalgic for  gr. 9 dances like “Bed of roses”, anything by K.C. and Joe Joe or “Wicked Game” by Chris Isaac. Cockrock playlists are a lot like anal: She’s either really into it or she fucking hates it and will loose all respect for you. And nothing will dry up a vag faster than a chick who thinks your a pussy by trying to seduce her with love ballads.

4. It was a rhetorical question jack ass

The purpose of dirty talk is to create fantasy and for the most part it’s intended to be rhetorical and one way communication. You get the odd, “Oh you like it like that don’t you?” and she may moan back “oh, yeah baby”. But dirty talk can be like playing board games with your friends: it’s all fun and games until some douche bag takes it too seriously. If a girl utters “How do you get me so horny?” you probably don’t need to reply with the real answer of “I don’t know, maybe all that practice I’ve been doing on your best friend helped.”

3. The over attentive waiter

Paying attention to your partners needs and enjoyment is great. But asking overly annoying questions and checking for updates faster than the CNN ticker gets to be a bit much. “How’s that? Does that feel good? Do you want to do it the other way? Am I pulling too hard? Is that enough pressure? Is it in?”

2. The guy who learned everything from porn

As much as every guy would like to believe that what we see in porn is exactly what goes on in real life, its sadly just not true. With the exception of swamp-donkeys, hookers and drunk college freshmen girls (which I know all sound like the same thing)  the majority of stuff done to, or by girls in porn will never happen in your bedroom. But low and behold there are those men who when they sleep with a women, try to reenact Bang Bros 14 or Amature Creampies vol. 6. These guys refuses to that: no, not every girl will go for anal, most girls actually find it offensive if you cum in their face, and 3 ways and DP’s you might as well forget about. You will never see a mood killed so fast as asking the common women if she’ll deepthroat 8 inches and let you skull fuck her.

1. Mr. Vagina vision

Vagina vision is a lot like tunnel vision. The blinders are on and this guy sees one thing and one thing only. Vagina. How and what is the fastest way for my to get my penis in, up and around that thing and skeet skeet skeet all over her? Foreplay… never herd of it? Guys always remember, vaginas are like a growing flower: When it finally starts to show and open up it’s beautiful, but it only happens after a little work and the right amount of moisture.

Stumble it!

And we’re back! Shit son, first post of the new year.

So lets Start off the new year with a list of the hottest celebrity sisters. Why the hell not eh?

Poor celebrity siblings. They never get any love and are always over-shadowed by their hotter, talented and more often than not, sluttier famous sisters. Here’s a list of the top 11 hottest female celebrity siblings.
The ranking order of this list is based on 2 things:
Hotness compared to celeb sister and of course who would make the best menage (duhh).

11. Kylie and Dannii Minogue

Dannii is Kylie’s younger sister and  has dabbled in a couple of profession. She has been an occasional actress, TV Personality, and just like her older sister she tried her hand at being a pop singer. She had success in the early 90’s with a couple of albums as well as a return to the pop scene years later.

10.Beyonce and Solange Knowles

Solange is just like her sister Beyonce. Well, sorta. She became interested in music at a young age and broke onto the scene at the age of 16. She has released two studio albums.  And once again following her bigger sister, she has also gone into modeling, acting and started her own fashion line. I know what you’re thinking, this bitch is a damn mini-me of Beyonce. Well not so fast. Unlike Beyonce, this chick got married young, popped out a kid, and already has her first divorce under her belt. And she’s only 23 years old to boot.

9. Hilary and Haylie Duff

Hayle is the oldest Duff sister and lets be honest, with a sibling like Hilary anyone is going to look ugly next to her. Clearly the fact that I just watched War Inc; in which Hilary plays a smoking hot, dirty littke Russian hooker, has left a biased impression on me and that’s why this duo is questionably higher on this list.  Anyway, Hayle has done her best with what she has been given. She had a supporting role on 7th Heaven also snagged a couple supporting roles in Napoleoon Dynamite and Material Girls.

8. Emily and Zooey Deschanel

The Deschanel sisters have that sweet and innocent “girl next door” thing going for them and I kinda dig that. Emily is the older of the two and has landed roles in Cold Mountain, The Alamo and Spider-man 2. She’s probably best known  for her part in the television series Bones. [insert clever witty remark about wanting to jump their bones or the bone in my pants etc]

7. Britney and Jamie-Lynn Spears

What’s not to like about Jamie-Lynn Spears. She’s easy on the eye’s, loves to bang older guys and rides 4×4’s while pregnant.

6. Amy and Jenny McCarthy

Jenny isn’t the only McCarthy to appear in Playboy. Amy was Playboy’s Cybergirl of the Week September 2004 and Cybergirl of the Month January 2005. This girl appears almost too good. She’s gorgeous, Co-founder of Hinote’s Heroes which is a non-profit organization that helps make ill children feel more comfortable during their hospital stays and she also works with overwight children at a local St. Louis hospital. I assume she goes in there and says somethign like this: “put down the candy bars and get on a tread mill until you look as hot as me, and don’t be affraid to stick your finger down your throat a couple times a week.” And she’s also a puck bunny. Married to a a guy who plays for St. Louis Blues.

5. Kimberly and Ruby Stewart

Kimberly is an American socialite, fashion model and fashion designer and she is the daughter of rocker Rod Stewart. Kimberly’s family is like the damn Brady bunch. She has an older half brother from her mom’s marriage to George Hamilton. She has a full brother, and four younger half siblings from her father’s Marriages. With parent’s this promiscuous I’m gonna go out on a limb and say it doesn’t take more than 2 shots of tequila and a smile to get her in bed.

4. Ashley and Jessica Simpson

Blond, tanned, big boobs and dumb as bricks. What’s not to love about the Simpson sisters?

3. Bia and Branca Feres

If you haven’t already, meet the Brazilian synchronized swimming twins Bia and Branca Feres. Chances are you’ve never herd of them but you should. They were on the cover of VIP magazine and made a big splash in this years Olympic under the category of “really hot athletes we should watch at this year’s Olympics”. Not a lot is known about them, yet, other than they’re both over the age of 18 (most likely 19 or 20) – breathe easy petophiles. And yes it’s a shame that the majority of the time they spent on TV during the Olympics was below the water, you’ll be happy to know that there is an abundance of modeling pics and blogs floating around the internet of both of them. (here, here, here, and this beauty here.)

2. Cynthia and Brittany Daniel

Sweeeeeeet Valley, Sweet valley hhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh. For all you 90’s teens you will definately remember Cynthia and her twin sister Brittany. Cynthia is 5 min younger than Brittany and as of late, has given up her acting career to become a professional photographer. She has 2 kids with her husband and actor Cole Hauser.

1. Monica and Penelope Cruz

Arrrrrrrriba! Latino Heat. Monica Cruz Sanchez and her sister Penelope grew up in the predominantly working-class suburb of Alcobendas, just north of Madrid. Their family didn’t have much money but it didn’t stop the talented sisters from going on to fame and stardom. The Cruz sisters distinguished themselves as promising dancers and both recieved professional instruction, {enelope at Spain’s National Conservatory and Monica enrolled in The Royal Academy of Dance to study traditional ballet and flamenco.  In 2002 she followed Monica’s play and became an actress.

Other notable siblings:

Savannah and Sienna Miller

Casey and Audrina Patridge

Dedee and Michelle Pfeiffer

Lee-Ann and Elisha Cuthbert

Lynda and Jennifer Lopez

Ann Carolin and Claudia Schiffer

Nicole and Antonia Kidman

Tracy and Shannon Tweed

Sorry ya’ll. Shoulda put this up last week but there will be a bit of a break on TGT11. Due to Turkey and Jack Daniels related comas that I will be slipping in and out of over the holidays.
Should have some new lists up by the second week of the new year.

Cheers.

11. Lindsay Lohan – I know who killed me (2004)

I’m sure this was a real stretch of a role for Lohan. Dressing like a ho and dancing around at bars. I bet it took her months of preparation to get into the mind frame of a stripper.

10. Daryl Hannah – Dancing at the Blue Iguana (2001)

If I ever got a chance to sleep with Daryl Hannah, the first thing I’d do is reach for a brown paper bag to cover that fug face. “Buzz your girlfriend…woooouuufff.” But there’s no denying the fact that at age 78, or however the hell old she is, she has a pretty fantastic set of abs. Cocain, cigarettes and vicodin will do that.

9. Natalie Portman – Closer (2oo4)

There’s nothing sweeter than seeing a sweet little Jewish girl, who speaks 3 languages and has a Harvard degree playing a dirty stripper. Mazal tov Natalie.

8. Diane Lane – The Big Town (1987)

Diane Lane, like a fine wine, only gets better with age. How I would love to see her perform this role now.

7. Tonie Perensky – Varsity Blues (1999)

Everyone’s favorite teacher/stripper and Sarah Palin look-a-like, Perensky has done little with her career as of late and why should she? Leave on a high note I say.

6. Selma Hayek – From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)

5. Jamie Lee Curtis – True Lies (1994)

4. Elizabeth Berkley – Showgirls (1995)

WATCH HERE

Oh Jesse Spanno. What can I say?

3. Jessica Alba – Sin City (2005)

Yes, yes, yes and more yes.

2. Demi Moore – Striptease (1996)

WATCH THE BOOBIES SCENE HERE

Demi Moore, like Diane Lane, continues to get hotter as she ages. And by hotter I mean gets more work done on her than my 87′ Chevette.

1. Chris Farley – Saturday Night Live

Mmmmmmm. Swazye. Mmmmmm belly flab.

OTHER NOTABLE PERFORMANCES
Rose McGowan – Grindhouse (2007)
The Full Monty Men (1997)
Danny DeVito – Friends (2004)
Marissa Tomei – The Wrestler (2008)

All the child sweatshops in poverty-stricken nations mumbo jumbo aside, you have to admit that Nike makes some pretty bad ass commercials. For over twenty years Nike has looked upon Portland agency Weiden+Kennedy  as their primary. During that time they have continually created some of the most memorable and inspiring commercials on television.

11. I FEEL PRETTY

This commercial has everything you need for a classic. A catchy tune that is sure to get stuck in the viewers minds. 2 – A hot little Russian blond tennis phenom. And Johnny Mac.

10. OPPOSITES

Two of the greatest tennis players to ever hold a racket and as this commercial so beautifully illustrates, other than their abilities on the court they shared very little else in common. Pepsi has Coke. Gretzky had Lemieux. And Sampras had Agassi.
A great take on an updated version of this commercial is one that someone over at The Parlayer came up with:

9. ROLE MODEL

A classic ad that eloquently communicates an important message to parents and young people who idolize and hold professional athletes on a pedastill.

8. EVOLUTION

No music. No words. Just a clever and interesting journey through the evolution of the Nike Air shoe.

7. TIGER BOUNCING BALL

This might not seem like anything incredible, most golfers who spent a good amount of time on the green can more or less do something like this. But when this came out it was awesome. Nike exploited Tigers skills and abilities in a very entertaining and creative way. Rumor has it this commercial only took 2 takes. Tiger did this on the first take but no one gave him a time cue and he ended up going over the time limit. That’s sick.

6. FAILURE

Clearly if Nike can convince the greatest Basketball player who ever lived that he is a failure then what chance do we have in not being persuaded to buy their shoes.

5. LET YOUR GAME SPEAK

Back to back Jordan ads. It’s incredible to think that all of this was accomplished by one man. For those who don’t understand the reference of this ad, it’s essentially a compilation of Michael Jordan’s greatest moves, accomplishments and highlight reel material reenacted by normal athletes imitating him.

4. DO ANYTHING

Time for a little Nike humor. This ad is brilliant. Such a simplistic and creative idea that was brilliantly written. “The Texas Tickeler”. The beauty of this ad is that it’s not a stretch of the imagination to see Randy Johnson as a Bowler. Reminds me of Bill Murray in Kingpin. All he needs is the greasy comb-over.

3. AIRPORT

Awesome. Amazing display of skill and ability in this one.

2. PRE LIVES

“PHHMMMMMM…(tears up and bites knuckle) THAT’S MY BOY!
A great inspirational and moving piece done for an amazing athlete who was taken to soon, Steve Prefontaine. If you don’t know who he is click the link and educate yourself.

1. A LITTLE LESS HURT

Absolutely incredible commercial. Every single time I watch this I get a shiver that shoots up my spine. Beautifully edited and never has music been so perfectly matched with video. I don’t know if it’s because I’m a JC fan or that I’m an athlete but I doubt my bias will make any of you disagree with my choice for #1?

Any athelte who sees this will get the same shiver I do becaue they know how much work, dedication and sacrifice they must endure to do what they love. Beyond the glory there are times of diversity, struggle and moments where the limits of the human body are constantly flerted with.

Stumble It!

This was without a doubt the biggest pain in the ass post I’ve ever done. F*cking NBC and their damn lawyers have taken almost everything off youtube and Hulu has the absolutely uber gayest region restrictions.
So I did my best in providing video, you’ll have to jump for a couple of them.

11. Andy popping into frame

10. Roy Rules!

WATCH HERE

9. Dear sister

8. Lazer Cats 2

7. People getting punched

Best part is the Jovi Punch with Full recovery. Love it.

6. Iran so far

WATCH HERE (look for video player on the right side after the jump)

5. Business Meeting

WATCH HERE

The Sandwhich makes this skit.

4. Lazy Sunday

WATCH HERE

3. Andy’s Dad

WATCH HERE

2. Jizz in my pants

In my opinion I think this skit could be as funny if not funnier than the #1 skit, but since the #1 has had enormous success and popularity I threw it in a #2

1. Dick in a box

It’s the holiday season and in the season of things I decided to construct a list of the top 11 funniest and memorable holiday moments from television.

11. The appearance of Santas Little Helper – The Simpsons

A pivital moment for the Simpson family and an important character that would lead to many many hilarious episodes.

10. Deb drops the Turkey – Everybody Loves Raymond

Ray points: “Dropped the turkey.”

9. Yankee Swap – The Office Xmas special SEo2

8. The best Chrismukka ever – The O.C. SE01 E13

With twice the power of any holiday Seth Cohan creates one of the most memorable super holidays in television history.

7. The Greatest Action Story ever told – Mad TV

6. The one with the Holiday Armadillo – Friends SE07 E10

Just brillian. It’s not in the clip but the best part of this scene is when Joey comes through the door in a Superman costume. “THE MACCABEES!”

5. Schweddy Balls – SNL

One of the most memorable SNL skits and Baldwins top 5 for sure.

4. Mr. Hanky the Holiday Poo – South Park

3.Clark Griswold’s boss rant – National Lampoons Christmas Vacation

Technically it’s not a television show but I figure it’s shown on TV every holiday so that counts.
“Hallalujah, HOLY SHIT. Where’s the Tylenol?”

2.Dick in a box – SNL Digital Short

1. Festivus – Seinfeld

Without a doubt the absolute best moment in holiday television history is Frank Costanzas creation of Festivus.
The Feats of Strength, the airing of grievances and the Festivus Pole makes Festivus a holiday that I almost want to participate in every year.

11. Cate Blanchett – Bio-hazard worker (Hot Fuzz)

I have seen this movie twice, and honest to God had no idea that was the incredible thespian Cate Blanchett behind that mask. I only realized it when doing research for this post and I apologize but I couldn’t find a clip from the movie.

10. Seth Rogen – Interviewer (Step Brothers)

I don’t know if its necessarily Seth Rogan’s performance here, the scene in general or my unweavering love of fart scenes that makes this one so memorable but non the less, it’s a solid cameo in a Will Ferrell movie that didn’t suck as much as I thought it would have.

9. Scott William Winters – Apple Sauce (Jay and Silent Bob strike back)

It’s funny that Matt Damon and Ben Aflec don’t take themselves too seriously and can make fun of themselves. It’s even funnier that Scott William Winters; who by all rights is only recognizable as an actor from the original scene in Good Will Hunting, can come onboard a second time and make fun of himself.

8. Danny Glover – Bank robber (Maverick)

A nice homage and tip of the hat to Mel Gibson and Danny Glover who both co-starred as Police partners in the Leathel Weapon movies. As Glover exits the bank he utters his classic catch phrase from the LW movies “I’m getting to old for this shit”.

7. Billy Zane and David Bowie – Themsevles (Zoolander)

Classic scene, great lines, and two great cameos from out of nowhere by Bowie and Zane.

6. Bob Barker – Himself (Happy Gilmore)

Bob Barker comes out of nowhere in 1996 to completely rejuvinate his image. Known only as the aging slender white haired beauty of daytime tv’s Price is Right, Barker is claimed to have only accepted the role when he found out that he would be the one to win the fight. That year Sandler and Barker won the MTV movie video award for best Fight, making Barker the oldest recipient of an MTV award at the age of 73.

5. Neil Patrick Harris – Himself (Harold and Kumar 1&2)

Clip from the second movie

Legendary cameos by NPH.

4. Bob Saget – rehab junkie (Half Baked)

There’s no video on Youtube bc of NBC and their gay gay gay lawyers. But I found a copy after the jump. HERE

This is a great cameo by Saget and if you’re wondering why its so high on the list. Just try and bring yourself back to 1998. All Saget had done and was known for was the friendly lovable dad on Full House and the goody goody unfunny host of America’s Funniest Home Video. No one really knew about the now obvious dirty mind of Bob Saget the comedian. This scene was shocking back in the day. Everyone was like, “did that guy from Full House just say he sucked cock?”.

3. Christopher Walkin – P.O.W Captain Koons (Pulp Fiction)

Absolutely, positively one of Chistopher Walkins best scenes of his career.

2. Martin Sheen – soldier on the boat (Hot Shots Part Deux)

A lot of people might not get the brilliance of this cameo appearance and the joke behind it.

Basically Martin Sheen, who is Charlie Sheen’s father (Duhh) was in the classic movie, Apocalypse Now – a film about the Vietnam war. His son Charlie was also in a clasic war movie about Vietnam – Platoon. They both are narrorators in their respected movies and the lines that they narrorate from this scene are the actual lines from both movies. The joke at the end is that as they pass by one another, they both say “I loved you in Wallstreet”,  a previous film they both starred in and played father / son roles onscreen.

1. Tom Cruise – Les Grossmen (Tropic Thunder)

This was the mother of all cameos. Everyone knew there was a blockbuster being mad for 2008 and that the crazy couch-jumping, Scientology brainwashing, Matt Lauer hating actor formally known as Tom Cruise would be doing a special cameo for Topic Thunder. But what part would he play? When Cruise was revealed onscreen for the first time as the F-bomb dropping, power monger, energy-drink slurping sychophant Less Grossman, I was blown away. In recent years Cruise has had shit bomb after shit bomb for on screen disasters and with his crazy Scientology shenannigans I had all but lost faith in the once great action star. This cameo – despite the fact that he remains a crazy son of a bitch – completely redeemed Tom Cruise in my books. That is until I probably watch Valkyrie, which is sure to be just as craptastic as all his other duds.

Other great cameos

Kristin Wiig – TV executive – Knocked up
Dave Chappelle – Nutty Professor
Charelton Heston – Wayne’s World
Chuck Norris – Dodge Ball
Matt Damon -  Euro trip
Arnold Schwartzenegger – The Rundown
Jack Black – Anchorman
Samuel Jackson – Kill Bill