Last year’s ‘Most Anticipated movies of 2009‘ post was a huge success here at TGTE, it brought in nearly 30,000 of the 182,200 hits on this little pet project we call a blog. The fact that TGTE has that many hits is remarkable, considering – due to work related issues – I haven’t really been able to write on here in almost 7 months, yet we continuously get a steady stream of traffic; probably because I string together wicked-awesome prose and shit.
Anyways, I’m of the opinion, much like Hollywood, that if it worked once why not remake it until people get sick of it. Which reminds me, I’ve seen a couple other ‘most anticipated’ movie posts, some by fellow bloggers, other by reputable sites, and for the most part they were fucking vomit inducing.
Lets get one thing straight, the only people anticipating Twilight: Eclipse, fall into two groups: prepubescent girls/in the closet gay boys and lonely 32-48 year old women who live alone, have few friends, suffer from Jennifer Aniston’s level of clinginess when it comes to men and lavish all their pent-up love and emotions on their cats and or birds. The former group nobody gives a shit what they think and the latter should be ashamed of themselves and seek therapy. Twilight has no place on any anticipated list.
So here are the top 11 movies you need to make some time for in 2010 and actually maybe make a trip to the theater for.
(These are in order of how awesome my anticipation for them is – not by release date)
#11 – Date Night
(p.s. I’m Canadian and apologize on behalf of all Canada for Nickelback and them being used in the trailer. We had nothing to do with it.)
Director: Shawn Levy
Stars: Steve Carell, Tina Fey, James Franco, Mila Kunis, Mark “I fingered Reese Witherspoon on a roller coaster in ‘Fear’ Wahlberg”, Mark Ruffalo, Kristen Wig, Olivia Munn, Ray Liotta, Common and Jimmi Simpson (Its Always Sunny)
Plot: In New York City, a case of mistaken identity turns a bored married couple’s attempt at a glamorous and romantic evening into something more thrilling and dangerous.
Why I’m excited: Tina Fey is brilliant. She understands good comedy. Plain and simple. Her teamed up with Steve Carell should provide some quality chuckles and dare I say a knee slap or two. Backed by the rest of the above mentioned there is sufficient arsenal here for a good spring comedy.
Fears: Take a look at Levy’s resume and arguably his best comedy to date is Night at the Museum. (Yeesh) Yet he has more than enough shittastic rom-coms and what should have been direct to DVD movies: Cheaper by the dozen, The Pink Panther remake and Big Fat Liar.
Release Date: April 9th, 2010
#10 – Jonah Hex
Director: Jimmy Hayward
Stars: Josh Brolin, Megan Fox, John Malkovich,
Plot: Based on the awesome comic book series of the same name – In the Wild West, a scarred bounty hunter tracks a voodoo practitioner bent on liberating the South by raising an army of the undead.
Why I’m excited: You can never have enough comic book movies. Even if some of them are sub-par at best, I’d rather have too many than not enough. It all started with Batman Begins and since then the comic book genre has exploded and studios are starting to throw huge budgets behind these movies. Jonah Hex is one comic book series that should make for an awesome translation to the big screen if done well. The character is amazing and even though I can’t stand her very existence, Megan Fox plays a hooker and spends most of the time in a slutty corset, so I guess that’s good spank bank material.
Fears: Megan Fox’s ability to deliver a line without sounding like a complete fuck-tard. Jimmy Hayward??? Because when I watch Horton Hears a Who, I immediately think, this guy will understand Jonah Hex. (facepalm)
Release Date: June 18th, 2010
#9 – Clash of the Titans
Director: Louis Leterrier
Stars: Sam Worthington, Ralph Fiennes, Liam Neeson, Gemma Arterton,
Plot: The mortal son of the god Zeus embarks on a perilous journey to stop the underworld and its minions from spreading their evil to Earth as well as the heavens.
Why I’m excited: See Trailer! Louis Leterrier, the most bad ass monsters from Greek myth and scorpions the size of air craft carriers. Fuck yeah. I’m game.
Fears: Possible chance of slightly sucking like, say, ‘The Mummy’. But I have faith in Leterrier and Worthington is a wicked up and coming actor who knows how to pick stellar roles.
Release Date: April 2nd, 2010
#8 – The Expendables
Director: Sylvester Stallone
Stars: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Eric Roberts, Randy Couture, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Mickey Rourke, Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzeneggers. (Jesus! Just typing those names makes me want to rip my shirt off, do some push-ups and talk about motor oil.)
Plot: A team of mercenaries head to South America on a mission to overthrow a dictator. 15 words is all you need to describe this movie. Taking it back to old school action plots that don’t make you think. Just simple bad ass soldiers taking out some bad guy. I dig it.
Why I’m excited: I think this is a no-brainer. Read the cast and try not to get a chubby for your long ago fantasy to see every major action star from the 80’s and 90’s in one movie. There’s more raw testosterone in this movie than a Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa, and Rafael Palmeiro roid swab.
Fears: That the noticeable absence Steven Seagal and Van Damme could have made this even more of the ultimate guys guy movie. Although had they been included, I’m almost certain I would have fangasimed before I even made it to the snack counter.
Release Date: August 13th, 2010
#7 – Cop Out (Formerly A Couple of Dicks)
Director: Kevin Smith
Stars: Bruce Willis, Tracey Morgan, Kevin Pollak, Sean William Scott
Plot: A comedy about a veteran NYPD cop whose rare baseball card is stolen. Since it’s his only hope to pay for his daughter’s upcoming wedding, he recruits his partner to track down the thief, a memorabilia-obsessed gangster.
Why I’m excited: Tracey Morgan could stand on a street corner for 45 min drinking a coffee and observing people walk by and it would still be funnier than a 4 hr Dane Cook special. Plus, being a big Kevin Smith fan, I’m interested to see what he can do with this being the first movie he’s ever directed which he himself hasn’t written. I saw his 4th Evening With Kevin Smith at Roy Thompson Hall here in Toronto at the beginning of the month, and the stories he was telling about working with Bruce Willis and how the film turned out, sounds like it has potential to be this summers Hangover.
Fears: None. Dude made Jersey Girl. Everything is a win after you make something that bad.
Release Date: February 26th, 2009
#6 – Inception
Director: Christopher Nolan
Stars: Leonardo DiCaprio, Ken Watanabe, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Ellen Page, Michael Caine.
Plot: In a world where entering dreams is possible, a single idea from the human mind can be the most dangerous weapon or the most valuable asset. (Whatever the hell that means.)
Why I’m excited: I don’t really know. There has been very little revealed about the plot of this movie and Nolan and staff have been kept very tight-lipped. I kind of get a Dark City vibe, in which case, if it is, that’s awesome because Dark City was a sweet Sci-Fi mind fuck.
Fears: I don’t know enough to be worried. I guess I could be worried about maybe having to pee a lot during the movie, or sitting next to a fat person who eats loud bags of Candy the whole time and is a mouth breather. Those are tangible fears.
Release Date: July 16th, 2010
#5 – The Rum Diary
Director: Bruce Robinson
Stars: Johnny Depp, Amber Heard, Giovanni Ribisi, Aaron Eckhart, Richard Jenkins.
Plot: Paul Kemp is a freelance journalist who finds himself at a critical turning point in his life while writing for a run-down newspaper in the Caribbean. Paul is challenged on many levels as he tries to carve out a more secure niche for himself amidst a group of lost souls all bent on self-destruction. Based on the novel by Depps close friend Hunter S. Thompson (Fear and Loathing) and his time spent as a journalist in the Caribbean.
Why I’m excited: I never really knew a lot about Hunter S. Thompson, he was a little before my time, but after watching the documentary Gonzo, anything done by him or based on his life, I will absolutely watch. The guy is completely nuts. But in that crazy Howard Hughes type of nuts brilliance.
Release Date: 2010 TBA
#4 – Alice in Wonderland
Director: Tim Burton
Stars: Johnny Depp, Mia Wasikowska, Helena Bonham Carter, Crispin Glover, Anne Hathaway, Alan Rickman.
Why I’m excited: Tim Burton and Johnny Depp is usually always a winning combination and the source material is some of the most creative and unbelievable in literary history.
Fears: Burton isn’t following Lewis Carroll’s original story. This story takes place many years after Alice’s first trip down the rabbit hole and will be Burton’s interpretation. Which can either be awesome or horrifying. Alice wielding a sword and armor in a Lord of the Rings type battle scene has me a little concerned.
Release Date: March 5th, 2010
#3 – Arrested Development The Movie
Director: Ron Howard/Mitchell Hurwitz???
Stars: Michael Cera, Jason Bateman, Jeffery Tambor, Will Arnett, Portia de Rossi and the rest of the family.
Plot: Not released yet
Why I’m excited: While I would much rather have the show back on air than a made for TV movie, It’s Arrested Development, and much like last call on a slow night at the pub, I’ll take whatever I can get, and come back for seconds.
Fears: I’ll expect too much. They may not play ‘The Final Countdown’.
Release Date: 2010 Tentative but will probably be pushed back to 2011.
#2 – Iron Man II
Director: Jon Favreau
Stars: Robert Downey Jr. , Scarlet Johansson, Don Cheadle, Paul Bettany, Samuel L. Jackson, Sam Rockwell, Mickey Rourke, Gwyneth Paltrow, Leslie Bib
Plot: With the world now aware of his dual life as the armored superhero Iron Man, billionaire inventor Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) faces pressure from the government, the press, and the public to share his technology with the military. Unwilling to let go of his invention, Stark, along with Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow), and James “Rhodey” Rhodes (Don Cheadle) at his side, must forge new alliances — and confront powerful enemies.
Why I’m excited: It’s Iron Man, dude. And Scarlet Johansson is in tight black leather. Shwing! Plus, Iron Man II means we’re one step closer to Thor coming out, which means we’re one step closer to Captain America, which means after that we FINALLY get the greatest movie that will ever be made in the history of film: The Avengers. fap fap fap fap fap.
Fears: That it might be too awesome my comic book loving mind might have multiple nerdgasms.
#1 – Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows Part I
Director: David Yates
Stars: Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Alan Rickman, Bonnie Wright, Ralph Fiennes, Rupert Grint
Plot: Voldemort’s power is growing stronger. He now has control over the Ministry of Magic and Hogwarts. Harry, Ron, and Hermione decide to finish Dumbledore’s work and find the rest of the Horcruxes to defeat the Dark Lord. But little hope remains for them, so everything they do must go as planned.
Why I’m excited: Hopefully Harry and the gang finally start throwing down some massive spells and wizard war breaks out.
Fears: That it will suck as much as the last one and Yates will continue to exclude vital and arguably the best parts of the books from the film, ex: massive fight at the end of the last one when Harry returns from getting the horcrux. Bahh who needs that, just show Helana Bonham Carter kicking some glasses in the great hall and they’ll get the picture.
Other films that didn’t make the list but deserve your attention:
Hot Tub Time Machine
The Last Air Bender